"Allah
has blessed me in so many ways. He
has given me a wonderful family who
is very accepting of me, he has
given me a wonderful husband whom I
can come to with all my needs, a
husband who lives Islam and teaches
me more and more about Islam
everyday. Allah has given me
opportunities to share Islam with
others and I am forever grateful to
Him for His many blessings."
Background
I was
born to wonderful parents who were
not always so wonderful. But as a
child your parents are all you have,
and no matter what they do you think
they are wonderful. My parents
especially my father drank, did
drugs, and occasionally my dad would
hit mother. My parents divorced when
I was six and my brother was not
even a year old, later remarrying
again.
At the
age of six I was pretty much the
caretaker of my brother while my mom
worked. We would visit my dad and
step-mom on the weekends and that is
when I began going to church with
them. Junior year of high school was
when I decided to except Jesus into
my heart and live my life as a
dedicated Christian, although I had
my struggles to live right. It seems
that for everything I did I was
going to go to Hell, and therefore I
struggled to be perfect so I would
not end up in Hell.
As my
spiritual relationship with God grew
I began to take on roles in the
church. I sung in the choir, taught
Sunday school and children's church.
I became the vice president of the
ladies minister, and also had a
clown ministry going. I decided, in
1999, to take my dedication to God
to a higher level by taking a class
called the M.A.P (Ministerial
Affirmation Program) in the Church
of God, which was to affirm that one
truly wanted to go into the ministry
for the Church of God. In 2000 I
finished this class and started the
M.I.P. (Ministerial Internship
Program), which is basically to
complete the internship.
I
began my intern under a male pastor
in the Church of God. This pastor
did not want women to have any
authority at all. During this
internship some things happened that
really hurt my spirit. I began
questioning myself and my
relationship with God. I did not
know whether I should or should not
obey this pastor. I felt I needed to
obey him because he was grading me
on the program. I continued and
eventually graduated from M.I.P in
May of 2001.
I
stayed at that church and continued
working there. However, I never took
my license test to be an ordained
minister in the Church of God
because of the hurt this man had
caused me. But I realize that
because of the hurt he caused me,
God blessed me and that is how my
journey to Islam began.
Meeting the First
Muslim
In September of 2001 we all know the
tragedy that happened but for me
September of 2001 was where my life
began to take shape.
On
September 14th 2001, I went to a
ladies conference to hear a lady
pastor speak. That night really
started me on a life long journey to
worship God and only God. The
speaker was Janice Jostrand and she
spoke from Hosea Chapter 2. She
talked about how God wanted to get
us into a one on one relationship
with Him. I always thought I had
that type of relationship with Him
but because of the things that had
happened in my internship program, I
felt as though I worried about
people more and Him less. That night
I prayed to God to give me this type
of relationship with Him. Janice
Jostrand said that if we prayed for
this, then people and things that
keep us from God would slowly fall
by the waste side. She was right.
The choice I made that night changed
my life and my journey to Islam soon
began.
After
that, I met a young man whom was not
of American decent and I was not
sure what his religion was. When I
found out that he was a Muslim we
talked about his feelings of Sept.
11th and politics. He was very
knowledgeable about his religion and
to my surprise my religion as well.
Unbeknown to me, Allah had just
placed the first step for me toward
Islam.
We
began to talk more frequently about
religion. I never tried to convert
him, and nor he tried to convert me.
He would ask me questions about my
religion. I thought I knew the
answers but when asked to back them
up by scripture, I could not. This
became frustrating to me because
despite taking all these biblical
classes and tests, I did not have
any evidence for my answers.
I
began to do an in-depth study into
Christianity and Islam. I started to
find a lot of similarities between
the two religions, but also
differences. I found that Muslims
believed in the Prophets I believed
in, in the miracles, in Virgin Mary,
in the Day of Judgment and Hell, and
in Jesus' return to earth in the
final days. The main difference that
I found was that Islam rejects the
belief that Jesus is the Son of God.
Studies in
Christianity
I am a little different from most
converts in that I believed
whole-heartedly in the Trinity. I
could not comprehend what would
happen to me if I denounced Jesus by
saying that he was not the Son of
God. This is where my struggles
began. I had to find out for myself
what the Bible said about Jesus. The
first thing I studied was the
authenticity of the Bible which I
found to be disturbing. I found that
the original manuscripts of the
Bible were not available. I knew
that we had many versions of the
Bible but that never bothered me
until I realized that people took it
upon themselves to change the Bible
starting at the Council of Nicea in
325 AD.
I went
on to study about the differences in
the Old Testament and the New
Testament. I always heard that we
should live by the New Testament now
because Jesus was the fulfillment of
the Old Testament by God becoming
flesh and dying on the cross to save
all mankind from their sins,
provided that they only believe in
him. I found scripture that
disproved this theory in Micah 7:18,
Psalm 78:38-39, Isaiah 43:25,
Jeremiah 36:3, Isaiah 55:7, Psalm
32:5, Proverbs 16:6, 2 Chronicles
7:14, Ezekiel 18:21-30, Proverbs
21:3, Hosea 6:6, Micah 6:6-8, Isaiah
1:11-18, and in many other places.
I also
found that Paul, who was a Jewish
Pharisees, is really the true
founder of Christianity. In Matthew
23:15, Jesus (pbuh) had something to
say about Paul's sect:
Woe
unto you, scribes and Pharisees,
hypocrites! for ye compass sea and
land to make one proselyte, and when
he is made, ye make him twofold more
the child of hell than yourselves.
Paul
was a very big persecutors of the
followers of Jesus and here are some
places that refer to this: Galatians
1:13-15, Acts 8:1-3, Acts 9:1-2,
Acts 9:41, and Acts 6:5. Paul took
everything that Jesus said and
worked against it. Jesus said in
Matthew 5:18-19:
For
verily I say unto you, Till heaven
and earth pass, one jot or one
tittle shall in no wise pass from
the law, till all be Fulfilled.
Whosoever therefore shall break one
of these least commandments, and
shall teach men so, he shall be
called the least in the kingdom of
heaven: but whosoever shall do and
teach [them], the same shall be
called great in the kingdom of
heaven.
Yet
Paul abolished many laws that Jesus
observed. Here are some sayings of
Paul:
And unto the Jews I became as a Jew,
that I might gain the Jews; to them
that are under the law(Gentiles),
as under the law, that I might gain
them that are under the law"
(I Corinthians 9:20),
...I
am made all things to all men, that
I might by all means save some
(I Corinthians 9:20) and
...all things are lawful for me, but
I will not be brought under the
power of any. (I Corinthians
6:12).
Paul
was the major player in Christianity
and I followed him because I did not
know all the details. I continued to
find that Jesus (pbuh) never said he
was God. He always talked about God
as being greater than him and he
prayed to God just as we do. It made
no since to me that if he were God,
then why he would be praying to
himself.
One
should understand that these
conclusions came only after
intensive studying. I truly believe
that Jesus was God before I began to
study. Now I see many references
where that he tells us to worship
God, such as John 4:2, John 4:23,
Matthew 7:21, Matthew 22:37, and
where he prays to God, such as
Matthew 26:39, Matthew 26:42,44,
Mark 1:35, Mark 14:35,39 Luke 5:16,
and Luke 22:41.
The
more I read the bible the more I
found that there was only one God
and I was to worship Him only and
that was exactly what I had prayed
for Sept 14th, 2001. The Bible says:
Know
therefore this day, and consider
[it] in thine heart, that the LORD
he [is] God in heaven above, and
upon the earth beneath: [there is]
none else. (Deuteronomy 4:39),
Thou
shalt have no other gods before me.
(Exodus 20:3),
For
thou shalt worship no other god: for
the LORD, whose name [is] Jealous,
[is] a jealous God. (Exodus
34:14)
Ye
[are] my witnesses, saith the LORD,
and my servant whom I have chosen:
that ye may know and believe me, and
understand that I [am] he: before me
there was no God formed, neither
shall there be after me. I, [even]
I, [am] the LORD; and beside me
[there is] no savior. (Isaiah
43:10-11)
Thus
saith the LORD the King of Israel,
and his redeemer the LORD of hosts;
I [am] the first, and I [am] the
last; and beside me [there is] no
God. (Isaiah 44:6)
That
they may know from the rising of the
sun, and from the west, that [there
is] none beside me. I [am] the LORD,
and [there is] none else." Isaiah
45:6 "For thus saith the LORD that
created the heavens; God himself
that formed the earth and made it;
he hath established it, he created
it not in vain, he formed it to be
inhabited: I [am] the LORD; and
[there is] none else. (Isaiah
45:18)
Look
unto me, and be ye saved, all the
ends of the earth: for I [am] God,
and [there is] none else.
(Isaiah 45:22).
I
started to study more about Islam
after this and I found that Islam
was different from many religions.
It was the only religion that was
not named after a person. It simply
meant submission to the will of
Allah (God), which again is what I
prayed for on Sept 14th, 2001. I
began to see Islam and Muslims for
who they were not as the media
project them to be.
In
November 2002, I found a local
mosque here in Greenville, SC, and
that was my second step to Islam. It
took several visits to the Mosque to
finally meet up with one of the
sisters. I was very persistent and I
began asking many questions.
Alhumdulillah, the sister I met was
very knowledgeable about Islam. She
had some knowledge about
Christianity but not much. I began
to attend the mosque regularly and
in January 19th 2003, I converted to
Islam.
Challenges Faced as a
Muslim
If I tell you that my life as a
Muslim was easy I would be lying and
so I will not commit that sin. After
submitting to the will of Allah my
challenge as a Muslim began. My
first challenge was praying. I could
not pray like the Christians and I
did not know how to pray as a
Muslim. I went back to the sister
whom I first met and she taught me
along with other sisters how to
pray. I had one advantage: the
wonderful Muslim man in the first
part of my story was teaching me
Arabic and verses of the Qur'an to
help me say my prayers in the
original language instead of in my
mother tongue. Alhamdulillah, I
learned how to pray very quickly and
I was off to my next challenge: my
parents.
How
could I break my parents hearts!
They knew me as a faithful Christian
lady. They would not be happy to
know that I was now a Muslim. Their
understanding about Muslims was that
they worship a false God, have a
false Prophet, and, of course, had
to be trained to be terrorists. I
decided to hold off on telling my
parents about my conversion until I
gradually tell them Islam. I began
by talking to them about what I had
studied and showing them things I
had found in the Bible to be
questionable, and they began to
question themselves as well. Almost
a year passed before I told them
that I was a Muslim, but by then
they were already used to my way of
thinking and it was not to shocking
for them. My parents could only
respond to me by saying: "Well we
know you are much more happier now
and you seem to be at such peace
with yourself."
Now
that my parents accepted my
decision, my biggest challenge came.
And that was to obey Allah and begin
to wear Hijab. It really was a
challenge. I wore hijab to the
mosque and that was it. I chose not
to wear it out in public or around
my family for fear of what they
would say. I did wear hijab in
public but only sometimes. I made
the choice to wear hijab full time
in May of 2004 when I got married so
I could follow the Qur'an and
protect myself. Hijab came with
occasional remarks, such as "You
aren't going to wear a diaper on
your head are you? What are you
suppose to be?" A young man once
pointed his finger at me and saying,
"Bang! Bang!" But my decision has
been the best one of my life. I
chose to not fear the people and
only fear Allah and that helped me a
lot. I also answer those questions
and remarks with "I'm a Muslim" or
"Grow up!"
Faith and Reliance on
Allah
My life as a Muslim has just started
but yet it is not easy, and no one
said it would be. There is a verse
from the Quran that I hold fast to.
It says:
Let
there be no compulsion in religion:
Truth stands out clear from Error:
whoever rejects evil and believes in
Allah hath grasped the most
trustworthy hand-hold, that never
breaks. And Allah heareth and
knoweth all things. (Quran
2:256)
I know
that I have grasped the most trust
worthy hold that will never break. I
fear Allah and only Allah, and I
know since the first time I came in
contact with Islam that He heard my
prayers.
Allah
has blessed me in so many ways. He
has given me a wonderful family who
is very accepting of me, he has
given me a wonderful husband whom I
can come to with all my needs, a
husband who lives Islam and teaches
me more and more about Islam
everyday. Allah has given me
opportunities to share Islam with
others and I am forever grateful to
Him for His many blessings.
Whoever reads this story, I request
him or her to pray to Allah to guide
my family to Islam so that on the
Day of Judgment we can be there all
together. The seed has been planted.
Let us hope that it will grow.